Booze, booze, booze. Everyone is always talking about booze. “I love getting drunk!” they all say. Well so do I, but there’s more to life than that, (I am being 100% serious) so let’s talk about some totally awesome fun things to do tonight, and throughout this weekend, that don’t center around blacking out and regretting stuff.
Thursday, August 2: THERE IS A BIG BUCK HUNTER HD LAUNCH PARTY. It is at Bossanova Ballroom and come on, man. This is the funnest, totally cruelty-free way to hunt that there is. The fact is, guns can be really fun, especially if they’re fake, but still allow you to shoot things! So get on down to Bossanova and play some goddamn video games tonight! (PS if you get bored there is booze there anyway, you total lush.)
Friday, August 3: It’s going to be another pretty summer night in Portland, I bet you. And you know what rules? The movie Clueless. The 90’s classic featuring total vegan babe, Alicia Silverstone. You know what ELSE rules? Free stuff! So get your ass down to Pioneer Square for the Flicks on the Bricks screening of Clueless. Bring a friend. Bring a friend with benefits! Bring your wife. Bring your puppy! Bring whoever, and a picnic and a super comfortable lawn chair. Sit back, relax, and rejoice in the fact that all your dumb friends will be hungover and broke tomorrow, and you will be well-rested with a bank account that has the same balance it had the night before.
Saturday, August 4: What are you doing today? I will tell you what you are doing. You are eating a ton of Pie at one of my favorite places in Portland, Colonel Summers Park.The Portland Pie Off is going to be as delicious as it is ridiculous, so BYOP (bring your own pie. Come on. You didn’t get that, immediately?) by 1pm, ladies and gentleman (that’s totally important), and come hungry. This is another awesome thing to do that is free. Ok, then after you’re super-full and gross, go and watch some babes kick some dude’s asses! The Rose City Rollers are going up against the Portland Men’s Roller Derby (did you even know that that was a thing? Neither did I. WTF.) tonight at 8pm, so come and growl at whichever team you’re rooting for.
Sunday, August 5: Take a hike or get some other form of exercise because you are probably fat from eating all of that pie and sitting on your butt watching roller derby fights yesterday.
Need more suggestions? Check out my family-friendly list of stuff to do around these parts. If you feel starved for booze, check out my Scumbag’s Guide to Portland, but I suggest you save your liver for Metal Mondays at Star Bar. got big plans this weekend, PDX? Leave em in the comments, so I can tweet em.