Let’s be honest, Cubs’ fans: none of us saw this coming, i.e., the team winning 12 of their last 16 games and looking like a real big boy baseball team. Hell, a lot of you probably stopped watching back in the spring when Dale Sveum’s club looked like a clown college on the field.
Now, at least for the last couple of weeks, the Cubs are looking good, like that old girlfriend you broke up with and met by accident recently:
“Hey, how’s it goin/nice to see you. Boy, you look great! We should get together sometime and hang out.
Great seeing you again. Can I call you sometime?”
You stupid, stupid man. Sure, now you want her back and she looks hot, but the same old problems are just going to come up again if you try and get back together with her. Just man-up and let it go, dude.
But she does look hot, doesn’t she?
That’s what it’s been lately surrounding the Cubs. We’re all in love with Anthony Rizzo, hitting like Mark Grace with power (and probably not so many hangovers) and picking it at first base like Keith Hernandez.
Move over Kessinger/Beckert or Sandberg/Dunston: here’s Starlin Castro and Darwin Barney turning double plays faster than the Wrigley Field scoreboard’s ball/strike counter. Luis Valbuena coming up clutch at the plate and catching everything at third base allowing you to forget the horror that was Ian Stewart.
Bryan LaHair seems to have rediscovered at least some of the mojo that made him an early season sensation, landing him on the NL All Star team. And what’s with Soriano lately? He’s clunking them out onto Waveland like it’s 2007-08 all over again.
The starting pitching is dominating with Ryan Dempster throwing 33 straight scoreless innings and looking like Rick Sutcliffe circa 1984! Lefties Paul Maholm and Travis Wood are Steve Trout before he fell off the stationary bike and Ted Lilly before he got old. And I know it’s blasphemy, but we’re all living in hell this summer in Chicago anyway, so I’ll just say it: sometimes Jeff Samardzija reminds me of a young Greg Maddux!
And so what, if Carlos Marmol looks a little shaky coming in for those ninth inning heart attack, “I almost crapped myself”saves; Mitch Williams walked that tightrope all the way to the 1989 playoffs and set-up guys Shawn Camp and James Russell have replaced Sean Marshall and are making me think of Dick Tidrow and Paul Assenmacher back in the 80’s, for real.
You stupid, stupid man.
Don’t you know this is a mirage in the desert of a Cubs rebuilding plan that unlike that ’91 Camry you drove in college and are still driving to this day, isn’t worth fixing anymore!
Jim Hendry sold you that old Cubs-mobile and now that it’s running great, you want to keep it, just a little while longer. But your boss, Theo Epstein, has told you that if you want to move up in the company, you’ve got to start looking like a professional. Get rid of that clunker and stop wearing sandals to work and buy a pair of Florsheim shoes, fer crissakes!
You’re not a kid anymore. The Bible (and I know you don’t go to church except when your folks visit for Christmas, but bear with me) tells us to put away childish things. And clinging to the hope that the current Cubs’ roster will serve them for the long-term is another devil’s bargain. Remember that old Joni Mitchell song “Woodstock” your crazy uncle has in his old record collection? It’s all right there, man.
You’re a Cubs-a-holic. Admit it. All it takes is a few lousy wins and getting out of last place and all of a sudden, you want to keep the band together for one more tour. Pathetic.
The trade deadline is only two weeks away and Theo and Jed Hoyer and primed to sell and believe me, the market couldn’t be any better for a seller of starting pitching to all those other so-called contending teams with their baseball junkie fans yearning for a playoff fix. With the right moves, the Cubs can make a killing in the market and set themselves up for the long haul.
You know trading Dempster and Matt Garza is the right thing to do, don’t you? And Reed Johnson is not a starting outfielder, how many times do I have to tell you that, you moron! I know he just saved the game on Saturday with that catch in right field crashing into the ivy, but he’s too old for us, anymore. Let it go!
Stop living in this fantasy world of the Cubs aren’t that far away from contending and if they would have only brought up Rizzo sooner, they would be in it crap. You’re living in your parents’ basement and it’s time to take down the Sandberg poster and move into your own apartment and think about where you want to be in five years.
Okay, Theo says we can keep the pitching for one more week. The Marlins and Ozzie Guillen are coming in and we all want to see the Cubs kick their ass. Yeah, dude. That would be sweet.