Geeks tend to be typecast into only playing video games, board games, card games, etc. But a good amount of geeks also play Fantasy Football, which involves both geek and non-geek elements (mainly watching or following sports).
I had submitted an entry for Grantland’s Fantasy Football Writer competition, which I would like to share with my Examiner readers, in the hopes of gaining fans and supporters, should I happen to make it into the final 10 spots:
For the commoners like you and me, Fantasy Football revolves around touchdowns/points scored. But what about the overlooked minority of media moguls, team owners, or NFL Commissioners who care more about public relations, media stories, revenue streams, and avoiding potential lawsuits? Here, I present:
THE 1% FANTASY LEAGUE 2012
Quarterback: Colt McCoy, Cleveland Browns. It always helps to have an All American (code word for White Guy) Quarterback as the face of your franchise (Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Drew Brees). But how about a QB, who can singlehandedly erase all the “Concussions are Destroying the Lives of NFL players” lawsuits/tragedies?
Scenario: Colt McCoy becomes concussed, and again is allowed to play without the proper tests. During his return, he pulls a “Will Ferrell ‘Old School’ Debate Question Moment” where he plays the game of his life and doesn’t remember it. Colt McCoy now becomes the poster boy for the “Concussions are Good” era in the NFL, where hard hits are again encouraged.
Result: The concussion lawsuits from former NFL players are swept under the rug, for it is determined that concussions actually improve performance.
Running Back: Rashad Jennings, Jacksonville Jaguars.
Scenario: Maurice Jones-Drew is unhappy with the Jaguars, and proceeds to “Dwight Howard” it for the first few games, resulting in him being benched. Rashad Jennings then capitalizes on this opportunity to become the starting back, and puts up 2011-2012 MJD numbers.
Result: Shahid Khan gets an all-star performance from a player that he pays only a fraction of a star running back’s salary, and this momentum ultimately allows Jacksonville to relocate to Los Angeles.
Wide Receiver: Demaryius Thomas, Denver Broncos. There’s nothing the sports/news world loves more than a team that emerges from the same city/vicinity of a recent tragedy. (see: The New Orleans Saints, Japan World Cup Team, 2001 New York Yankees)
Scenario: Rallying behind the victims and families of the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shooting, the Denver Broncos establish their core of relatively unknown wide receivers as legitimate contenders. Demaryius Thomas, still swagiffied from his Overtime Playoff Catch, rides this swaggidocio into 2012-2013 and becomes the Calvin Johnson of the year.
Result: The Denver Broncos win the title and dedicate their entire season to the victims of the Aurora shooting.
Tight End: Jason Witten, Dallas Cowboys. The media/NFL loves to exploit a story where a player gets sidelined from injury, recovers from said injury, and puts up career numbers afterwards (see: Tom Brady)
Scenario: Jason Witten rebounds from his spleen injury (for it is discovered that having a healthy spleen actually hinders performance) and surpasses Gronkowski’s record for touchdowns.
Result: Jerry Jones is on track to return the Dallas Cowboys into a profitable franchise.
Kicker: Long Ding, Jacksonville Jaguars.
Sleeper: Chad Johnson, Whatever Team that Will Sign Him. There’s not a greater story than one of an athlete who gets a second chance (see: Michael Vick’s 2010-2011 season).
Scenario: The court has determined that the head butt delivered to Evelyn Lozada was committed in self-defense, thereby absolving Chad Johnson of any crimes.
Result: Chad Johnson decides to get revenge on Evelyn Lozada by becoming an elite wide-receiver and allowing <insert small market team here who signs Chad Johnson for cheap> to contend for a title.
After witnessing a full two weeks of Olympic judges/referees being influenced by “outside factors”, and the mainstream media also acting in their own best interest (ahem, NBC), I have come to the conclusion that the big wigs of sports and media have their hands in each other’s pockets, which makes the above scenarios a “fantasy” to them.