In this weekly series of tips for a successful marriage, the author will discuss those aspects that have worked in her relationship of 23 years with her husband, but should by no means be mistaken for professional advice or therapy. This week’s topic focuses on making time for sex.
During the honeymoon phase of any relationship, sans the children, sex is generally abundant and on demand. As the couple becomes more comfortable with each other and work and/or school schedules become more challenging, sex may wane. This early part of the relationship is the time to discuss the importance of a healthy sexual relationship, possibly even enlisting the help of a licensed therapist, to understand that scheduling what was once automatic is not only ok, but also necessary.
Intercourse leads to children (most of the time) and new challenges arise. Moms are exhausted, dads feel neglected and all of the focus revolves around the new baby. Feeling sexy may be the last thing on any new parent’s mind, but fitting in alone time is extremely important to a healthy marriage. Keeping a baby on an early bedtime schedule not only benefits the child, but mom and dad as well. Before there were children, there was a couple that also needs to be pampered.
Children get older and are involved in every possible activity feasible, staying up later in the evenings creating overwhelmed, overworked and undersexed parents. Between work, children, school and extra curricular activities, parents feel there is no time to slip it in. Having older children and teenagers amplify the situation, as they seem to always be underfoot. It may also feel awkward closing and locking the bedroom door for some one-on-one extra sexual activity, especially with the “knowledgeable” kids of today.
The following list has been gathered throughout the years from other couples with children who have found creative ways to make love.
- Sex in the car. You did it when you were younger and in a dark, secluded spot, you can do it again.
- Afternoon delights. If you both work close to home, rendezvous at lunch while the kids are in school.
- Sponge Bob Square Pants. Ok, maybe they don’t like Sponge Bob, but any movie, video game or cartoon that captures all of their interests for at least fifteen minutes allows for a few moments of private time.
- Play dates. Schedule them often, when you both are home, and reciprocate often to give the other parent a much-needed break.
- Bribery. Older siblings make great babysitters and playmates. Pay for dinner at McDonald’s and kick them out for an hour.
- Shower sex. Tell the kids you are conserving water.
- Late night dips in the pool, if you have one.
Whatever works for you and your spouse is all that matters as long as specific time is allotted for intimacy, sex and enjoying who you are as a couple. If you have your own creative ways to make time for sex, feel free to comment below.
The author is not a licensed therapist. The above is meant as an example of what has worked in her successful marriage and should not be replaced as counseling for troubled relationships.
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