I posted a review of the trailer of The Dark Knight Rises recently, and it went viral (more or less). So, I thought I’d post some more trailer take-downs. Besides, who has time to write a review for an entire movie? Here goes:
Everybody on the internet was soooooo excited for Prometheus. Did they all collectively forget that Ridley Scott hasn’t made a good movie in like 10 years? I think everyone who bought a ticket for this movie should have had to sit through Robin Hood directly beforehand to help bring their expectations down to a reasonable level. I mean, I get it: a prequel to a beloved sci-fi franchise by the original director. It’s like a dream come true. Yes, a pathetic, desperate dream of recapturing past glories, 30 years after the fact. Apparently I’m the only person who predicted what this movie would end up becoming: Alien: Episode I, with black goo instead of midi-chlorians.
It was MY idea to play Donovan’s “Season of the Witch” during a horror movie trailer, and I thought of it YEARS ago. However, within the span of time since I had that idea, the creators of this film seem to have actually created a story and brought it to life by moving tiny little dolls, millisecond by millisecond, with such smoothness that the result could be mistaken for computer animation, in order to make a beautiful film that actually looks like it warrants the creepy-cool trailer that I envisioned. In that same timespan, I’ve… reviewed some movie trailers online. … Eh, I guess I’ll let ’em have it.
Looks cute, but it seems like an overly-faithful re-enactment of a movie that Tim Burton already made… Don’t get me wrong, he could do worse at this point than remake, shot-for-shot, one of the very best things he’s ever done. But when I could watch the original masterpiece unspool over 30 perfect minutes, I strangely (and guiltily) feel less excited for this than for Paranorman…
The Amazing Spider-Man
Too soon. Seriously, I am a pretty big fan of the first 2 Spider-Man movies, and I think Emma Stone is the greatest actress currently alive. But you know what? I don’t think I care for this Andrew Garfield kid, and I can’t muster up the tiniest bit of enthusiasm for this movie.
Beasts of the Southern Wild
When my brother saw this trailer he said, “That Levi’s commercial looks amazing.” Well, those Walt Whitman Levi’s commercials were some of my favorite commercials ever. I’m excited.
Hyde Park on Hudson
Ok, this is clearly being advertised as feel-good, easily-digestible, based-on-a-true-story, The King’s Speech-style Oscar bait for old people with pretensions of culture. King George VI is even one of the characters for God’s sake. I’m hoping the Queen-at-the-weenie-roast “humor” of the trailer is toned down a little bit in the actual movie, because Bill Murray’s performance as F.D.R. looks on point, embodying Roosevelt’s personal quirks while staying effortlessly in the moment. That, my friends, is acting. You and I may know that Bill Murray is the greatest movie star of all time, but he could use a few more roles like this on his resume to really secure his legacy as more than just a comic actor who only succeeds at playing himself.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
As annoying as the apparent coupling of the film’s protagonists is to me, the concept of the movie is intriguing. I can’t quite tell if the filmmakers had the budget or imagination to take full advantage of a great concept, but I definitely want to check out what they came up with, if only just to see if I can think of anything better.
I’m onto you, Martin Scorsese: footage of ANYTHING looks amazing when you play “Gimme Shelter” over it.