More thoughts, recaps, and analysis of TLC’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’s” episode “A Bunch Of Wedgies.”
(For part one of this article, please click here.)
After mama goes down the tube slide, the kids want her to go on the giant slide, but she’s nervous because of her “forklift foot.”
Some time ago, Mama had a forklift run over one of her feet and mess up one of her toes, apparently pretty badly. Her husband (“Sugar Bear”) doesn’t even see it, but for her reality TV show…she unveils it.
The big toe of her left foot is badly bruised, and…well, it looks like old meat. And for some reason, it appears to be covered in gnats even as she’s taking the sock off of it.
If I’m at that park with my family, that would be enough to get me out of the water and home to take a Silkwood shower.
That’s it for the waterpark, thank God. Back at the house, Honey Boo Boo and Mama are getting ready for the Rock Star pageant. Mama spray tans her, including her belly button, which runs all down her stomach.
Honey Boo Boo: Spray tan’s like poop in a can.
The family goes off to another “Rock Star Diva Pageant” to use as a warm-up.
Honey Boo Boo: For you to win pageants, it’s about bringing your “A” game, and I always bring my “A” game.
Twenty-five pounds of makeup and sequins later, she’s on stage for the first part of the show. The “Rock Star” part comes later, and she dresses as Elvis for her new routine. She winds up winning the Rock Star portion of the pageant, and the family is thrilled.
Sugar Bear: When she won Queen in her division, it kinda touched my heart, made me proud of her. I know with good practive she can go higher.
However, Honey Boo Boo doesn’t win the Ultimate Grand Supreme, which is the top prize, although it sounds a lot like a breakfast sandwich at Jack In The Box.
The judges give the family some advice, which involves more eye contact with the judges, and less looking at her family. Since half of the shots during her performance are of her family dancing in the audience and giving her instructions, that seems to make sense.
And so another episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” comes to an end, with slightly more heart than the previous episodes. I’m glad the pregnancy scare worked out safely and quickly, that’s something no family, especially this one, should have to deal with on camera. The waterpark was also nice, as we got to see the family actually have fun for a little while. Of course, that ended with a “Forklift Foot” sighting. The show still can’t give us a happy moment without immediately giving us a fart joke afterwards.
As for Honey Boo Boo not winning the overall pageant, that’s certainly not a surprise. She won’t win one until the finale, if she wins one at all.
Rating: Three out of ten on a normal human scale, six out of ten on a “Honey Boo Boo Sassified” scale.
— Reid Kerr is glad Glitzy made it out alive. Follow Reid on Twitter or subscribe to him on Facebook and yell at him.